what am I doing here?

I struggle with hobbies. I struggle to just allow myself to have fun and not constantly have to be productive. One of the things I'm trying to do with this anonymous, retro, small web, cringe site is to play. And to use that play to figure out who I am. I am always worried about how I appear to others and I want to learn to just be me. To create what I like for me.

Finding Neocities and all of the ad-free, non-SEO, fun, colorful, throwback sites has been eye opening. The Internet wants you to become a brand or an aesthetic. Social media wants you to limit yourself to one side of you and have "content" on a single topic. We are all so much more complex and larger than that box.

I am trying to stretch out of the walls of that box and make things for me.

Every single page of this site will probably get a redo at some point because for now I'm just throwing things together and figuring out who I am and what I like and how to even code again.

I'm trying to let go and not worry that each of my pages is a different theme or that I'm too... whatver. It's only through being... whatever that I'll come home to myself again.